Monday, October 20th,
at 9:30 in the A.M. I feel better today. Lots has happened. Last night, when I couldn't
sleep, I got dressed and went out. You're not supposed to but I've seen Julian do
it—I asked, and that's his name—so why shouldn't I? I saw him. He was a long way
off. This time, though, he didn't turn to stare at me. Instead, he made this pitiful sound
and fell down on the ground. I ran to help him. When I got there he was shaking all over.
I was afraid to touch him. Then it stopped and he opened his eyes. They're pink! With red
pupils! The sun had just come up so I was sure. He didn't like me looking at them. He was
nasty.
Julian isn't a very nice person, I found out. But I think it's because
he doesn't like himself. He makes cruel jokes at his own expense. They're funny, but they
don't make you want to laugh. Anyway, we talked a little and I was going to maybe ask the
questions I had planned, when he said something really awful. It must have been, because
the insects came. But I don't remember what. All I know is that I screamed and some nuns
came and took me to Sister Zoe. She tried to find out what happened and didn't like that I
couldn't tell her. Still, she was patient with me. She asked me to keep away from Julian
from now on. She wanted me to promise but I got out of it without having to. Then she sent
for Sister Dana who took me back to my room and stayed with me the rest of the day.
It's odd, but since Julian's come, I haven't thought much about my
past. Except I know I'm not a nun. That was just a dumb idea I had. I don't think that I
want to be one, either. There's something unnatural about it.