What you seldom see in nature films when predators make a kill is that the devouring starts before the prey expires. I AM BEING EATEN ALIVE IN ABSENTIA! For which I have no rational explanation. How can decomposed nerve-ends flinch and cringe and writhe in memory of everything from coyote molars to maggot maws? I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T ENDURE ANOTHER MINUTE, MUCH LESS ANOTHER HOUR—an admission I've been SHRIEKING for longer than humanly possible... than 'humanely' conscionable, if my suffering is meant to appease some judgmental God.
    I'm not exaggerating; think of bee stings or pulverized funny-bones NONSTOP! Every single inch of my miserable missing-person ACHES! Is that Divine Justice? A demented dentist would show a sinner more mercy. Okay; it could be argued all my wounds were self-inflicted. I strapped myself into that half-ass hang glider, hurled myself—I admit it—over the abyss, took matters into my own hands under the assumption that death was a private matter; so sue me. I was mistaken. What am I expected to do about it; apologize? To whom? I’m my funeral's only attendee—no mourners, not even a search party. Which seems rather odd. I mean, beyond the obvious nonsense of this 'grave' commentary, certain actualities don’t add up. For example, how is it I've seen not a solitary soul since singing my swan's song? I chose this section of the canyon for its remoteness, true, but my Datsun is still up there on the rim—with its key in the ignition, so I suppose some Havasupai is thanking his lucky stars.
    THERE IS NO PRETENDING THE HORRORS NOW HAPPENING AREN'T REAL; picture a beak thrust into your ribcage to extract a crop-full of lung, or the acid-gnaw of grubs invading your small intestine; NOT PLEASANT!
     I did have the courtesy to write dear Yayuk a note, in a post-dated letter, which she should have gotten LONG ago. Instructions notwithstanding, wouldn't she try to head me off at the pass? Not a sign of her. Which is inconceivable; Yayuk Widyani Kertanegara Lazarus would never let her hubby die by himself... nor 'be' by himself, allow me even a moment to spend unaccompanied—an enormous bone of contention on our trek through Malawi.